I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
