just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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