Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
