Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
