life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
