She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
