Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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