LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
