I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
