it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
