we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
