He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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