well you can't waste a boner
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
