you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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