kristin has been a bad kristin
I love having hate sex.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
where are my eyebrows?
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