So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
