she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i will never coherently bang her
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
