so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
