My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
