A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
