Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
