I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize