Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
