i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
