OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
