If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Who died my cat blue again?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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