look no pants
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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