That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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