We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize