she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
