In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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