I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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