those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
