dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
