at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
