And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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