dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He has the fingertips of a God
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
