Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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