New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I need moral support for this bender
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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