Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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