sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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