Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
