yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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