I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
