oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
