the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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