My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
