I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
