$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
