there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
