Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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