i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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