So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
