Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
