You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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