he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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