She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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