My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
