How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
