Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
