idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
