So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
