there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
