I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
