hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It's Friday. Sex?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
