he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
