Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize