Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
