I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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