I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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